Darvin Moon is building a name in the poker world that rivals his surname’s prominence in the night sky.
After bringing the competition at the World Series of Poker to its knees, Moon is poised to sit down and use his monster chip lead to win the thing outright in November. And while he is the least experienced player at the table, you just can’t argue with the guy holding 30% of the chips.
But that’s just the beginning: in the four months since the much-ballyhooed Final Table was determined, Moon has had every opportunity to sign a major promotional deal with the online poker site of his choosing. Instead Moon has remained a lone gunner, stating that “there is not enough money in the world for someone to tell me what to do.”
Well, we here at CarbonPoker are not about to take no for an answer. You hear that, Darvin? We like you just the way you are. With that in mind here are the
Top Five Reasons You Should Join CarbonPoker, Darvin Moon
5. Holy! We Like the Saints Tooooo!
We just love that you wear a Saints hat while you play. If you join us we’ll put out a hit on Drew Brees and have you starting in no less than a year.
4. CarbonPoker is Elderly-Friendly
Everyone is talking about how you learned to play from your grandfather. Well, sign on with us and we’ll open the internet’s first 80+ poker room, featuring on-screen reminders of what the hands are, 0.01 cent Sit and Gos, and weekly online garage sales. It’ll be the bees knees.
3. Goatees = Nice
If you become Carbon’s number one man, we’ll institute a mandatory goatee policy for all employees. But none will be as bushy as yours, Darvin, promise.
2. Logging is For Winners
We’re very impressed that you own a logging company, Darvin. We hate forests. We’ll clear-cut the Eastern seaboard if that would get you on board.
1. We Like Being Told What to Do
Don’t worry about us telling you what to do, Darvin. With your enticing combination of looks, personality, and enthusiasm, we won’t need a marketing strategy with you on our side. Just undo that lower button on your golf shirt and accept the keys to the CarbonPoker vault.
